The Wonderful Thing About Wizards
by Evil-Muffin-ator
Summary: Harry Potter, sugar, and a random parodied Disney song: What fun! Please R


**A/N: This is just a bit of fun between me and my bff, so play nice. Constructive criticism always welcome! xD xxx**

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"The wonderful thing about wizards is wizards are wonderful things! They're tops are made out of magic, their bottoms are made out of… of magic! They're magicky magicky magicky magicky fun fun fun fun fun! But the most wonderful thing about wizards is I'm the only one! I-i-i-i-I'm the only- oof! Ow. Sniffle."

"Harry," said Ron from about six feet above, having hit Harry on the back of his head and knocking him over, "You really aren't the only wizard. Dear Merlin, you shouldn't have that much sugar. Hermione! Control him!"

"Why? You let him have the sugar!"

"But you're the best at magic, you know how to sober him up a bit!" Hermione coughed slightly. "You do know how to sober him up, right?"

"For Merlin's sake, Ronald, it's sugar, not alcohol! Magic won't help! You can't – sober – him – up!"

"We're gonna die."

Harry giggled as Hermione said, "Don't be so pessimistic Ronald. Let's go, we have a battle to win and a Wizarding World to save."

They both grabbed one of Harry's arms. Ron had a disgusted expression, Hermione was miles away, and Harry giggled. Then he turned his head and sniffed his armpit. "Eurgh!" Hermione rolled her eyes as they entered the Entrance Hall.

Voldemort was stood in the centre and around the edges were the members of the Order and DA, each held by a Death Eater. Each Death Eater was holding two wands, one, their own, to the fighter's throats.

Ron and Hermione were seized from behind, their wands wrested from their grips, and Harry crumpled to the floor, giggling. He received lots of strange looks. Voldemort strode over to him, grinning madly, like an insane evil dark wizard who was convinced that the world was within his grasp. Which he was.

Harry suddenly sprung up (with the skill and balance only a Seeker would possess. Poor Voldy, he was nearly knocked off his feet) and began skipping around the room, eyes wide with sugary hyperactiveness, bowling over any and everyone in his path, singing (badly) at the top of his voice.

"Mouldywart, Mouldywart, ooh Mouldy Mouldy Mouldy Mouldywart!"

"How dare you? Harry Pooter, The Boy Who Lived shall live no more!"

"Oh, shut it, Mouldy. At least say my name right!"

"How hypocritical, Pooter."

"Not really."

"Do you even know what that means?"

"Of course. Any idiot should."

"I guess you don't. Hypocrite!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"No I'm not!"

"Yes you are!"

"ENOUGH! GET ON WITH THE BATTLE ALREADY!" yelled Remus from the crowd. There was silence.

"Am not," muttered Harry under his breath. He was determined to have the last word. He heard the Weasley twins 'coughing' violently, trying to mask their sniggers and failing miserably.

"You know, if I had my way, Mouldyshorts-"

"I thought it was Mouldywart?"

"Eh, either works, I guess," Harry shrugged. "But then again, Mouldywart is _sooooooo_ last year!" he said in a very high pitched, Voldemort-mocking, fake, feminine American accent. "Anyway, if I had my way, you'd be _sooooo_ arrested!"

"Why should I be arrested, for killing Mudbloods and half-breeds, putting them in their place?"

"To be fair, aren't you a 'Mudblood' yourself? But no, that's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

"I meant that you are Tom Riddle."

"How dare you use that name! I discarded that name more than fifty years ago!"

"But you can't just 'discard' a name, Tommo! You have to change it. Legally. You didn't. Legally, you are still Tom Marvolo Riddle. So. How are you, Tommy-boy?"

"You shall die today, Pooter."

"Already died once, Tommo. Don't think you'll succeed, ol' buddy, ol' friend, ol' pal."

"How could you have died and still be here?"

"You. It's all your fault, mate."

"How?"

"You took my blood. We're family, Tommy!"

"All the more reason to kill you!"

Harry grinned and ran up to Voldemort, hugging him round his waist. "I didn't know you cared, Brother-In-Blood-Only!"

"Get off me, Pooter! I'm trying to kill you!"

"All the more reason to not get off. Hey, we're more alike than I thought! Although, your sixteen year old self did say we were similar…"

"What? I don't remember that!"

"Well, you wouldn't. That was when I destroyed the first Horcrux. I was twelve!" Harry said proudly.

"What? One of my Horcruxes was destroyed by a _twelve year old_?"

"Yep! I also killed a Basilisk. A twelve year old, killed a basilisk, destroyed a Horcrux, saved a Weasley, and lived to tell the tale, even having been stabbed with a Basilisk fang, nearly dying from the venom."

"How?"

"Hey, I'm a Potter, what can I say? We have a knack for getting out of tight spots with just a couple of scratches to show for it. Wanna see the scar?"

"I guess…"

"Tough, I don't have one! Hahahaha!"

"I shall kill you now, Pooter, you are getting on my nerves, I am almost at my limit!"

"You have a limit? Wait, you even have nerves? One would have thought a snake-face like you was fully immune to pain… Considering you are a snake-face, you know."

"What are you on about, Pooter?"

"Ah, Mouldy, it's not what I'm on about; it's what I'm on! And the answer is sugar."

"Still such a child, aren't you, Pooter? That will make it so much easier to kill you."

"Well duh! I'm only seventeen!"

"So much easier…"

"Go ahead, I have nothing to fear from going back there. I'll get to see my parents, Sirius, Dumbledore, Severus, even Bathilda Bagshot, I'm sure she'll be very interesting to talk to. Maybe a little shaken by how your huge great – dead – snake possessed her body, but she'll get over it."

"Nagini? She's dead? NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Whoa, déjà vu, Mouldy! Oh yeah, you were the same every other time I defeated you, hahahahahaha!"

"I will kill you, Pooter!"

"I thought we'd been over this already? You're all talk, Mouldy, no action!"

"We shall see!"

"Yes we shall. Now you will try and kill you, fail, and get angry and scream. You're so predictable!"

Voldemort shot a beam of green light at Harry, which hit him square in the chest.

"Whoops. I guess you were wrong, Pooter. I WIN!"

* * *

He sat up, and looked around. It was King's Cross again.

"Goodness, Harry, you weren't supposed to die again!"

"I can go back, right?" he asked Dumbledore, almost sober again.

"Yes," Dumbledore replied. "But I insist you have some sherbet before you go!"

"Sherbet is pure sugar, right?"

"Yes."

"Excellent!" said Harry, swallowing the whole packet like chugging a glass of water.

"Good. Oh, before you go, your parents and family have some comments," Dumbledore said, focusing over Harry's shoulder.

"Merlin, Harry, Mouldyshorts? I wish I had thought of that!" laughed Sirius.

"Son, you are a true Marauder and Gryffindor, I'm so proud! Only a Gryffindor could call him Tommy, hug him and get away with their life. By the way, I very much like that comment on us Potters," James grinned at his son.

"Harry, that was brilliant! All you have to do now is go back and win this time! We'll see you again when you die naturally. Or when you're supposed to, or whatever," gushed Lily, full of pride.

"I have to say, it was quite amusing," Severus admitted.

"Well, I blame the sugar."

"Either way, it's all good!" said Sirius excitedly

"Severus?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you. For everything you've done for me, even if I thought you were an evil greasy git the entire time."

"Awww, Harry!" Lily cooed. The males present rolled their eyes.

"I'd say you're welcome, Potter, but you're far too much like your father."

"Nope, it's about an even divide, Sev. But don't worry. I'll tone down the James in a few years."

"No, Harry, why would you want to do that?"

"Becase Ginny is _waaay_ to much like you! Any one relationship can only have one James, there needs to be a Lily, too."

"True. But you have to go back, now," James said sadly.

"Three things: A, we love you, two, say hi to Remus, Tonks and Teddy for us and give them our love and C, we're all so proud. Even Severus." Everyone nodded agreement with Lily's words.

"Okay. Bye then!"

Next thing he knew, he was back in the Entrance Hall.

* * *

"Hey, Remus?" Harry called with a giggle from the floor, his eyes still closed.

"What?"

"James, Lily, Sirius, Severus and Albus say hi and send their love! You, too, Tonks! Or is it Lupin, now?" Harry said, getting up. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and giggled. Tonks and Remus blushed.

"Anyway. Hi Mouldy!" Voldemort had turned around to face him, a murderous expression on his snake-y face.

"What are you glaring at, Snake-face? Careful the wind don't change, you'll stay ugly! Wait, you already are!"

"How, Pooter? How did you do it?"

"I told you. You took my blood. Unless you die first, I can't die. I'll just keep on coming back. So basically… I win, I win, la la la la laaaa laa!"

"No! That's impossible!"

"Improbable, maybe, Mouldy, but not impossible. Although, I have made a big start on achieving the impossible, haven't I?"

"Oh well. I guess I'd better give up."

"Really?"

"No. _Avada Kedavra_!" Harry blocked it.

"Pooter! There is no way to block the Killing Curse!"

"Well, apparently there is 'cause I just used it! I did say I'd done what everyone thought impossible, didn't I?"

"Pooter!"

"Say my Merlin-damned name right!" Harry glared at Mouldyshorts ferociously.

"Okay. Sorry, Potter," murmured Voldemort apologetically, staring at the floor.

"Good boy, who's a good boy! Who wants a treat, then?"

"Oh, me, me, me!" came from the Death Eaters.

"Shut up, I was talking to the dog! Or rather, snake." Harry could see Remus out of the corner of his eye; he was shaking with silent laughter, as was everyone else in the Hall but the Death Eaters (although they were fighting desperately not to). Voldemort sighed.

"Sorry Potter. _Avada Kedavra_!" Harry was ready for it. "_Expelliarmus_!" he cried. Their spells collided and the green beam shot towards Mouldyshorts. It hit him directly in the face and his shocked expression as he died was – no pun intended (no, wait, the pun is intended!) - to die for.

He fell backwards, wand flying. Harry caught it, and strode over to Tom Marvolo Riddle's dead, snake-y body.

"Well, that was easy," he said, sounding surprised. He shook his head and walked off, humming 'The Wonderful Thing About Wizards'.

"Uh, Harry? A little help?" called Ron.

"Oh, right," Harry replied, turning. "Death Eaters, your master is gone, killed by me, and if you do not release any and all prisoners you will face me and you will die. Capeche?"

They nodded and, chucking down any wand that was not their own, they bolted for the doors, running off into the night with their metaphoric tails between their legs. Harry laughed and shot spells at all of them; pure white dog tails appeared between their legs.

The Hall laughed too, and Harry walked away. Still humming 'The Wonderful Thing About Wizards'.

"Hey, where you going, mate?" called Ron.

"The kitchens! Defeating a Dark Wizard really builds up an appetite! Although, considering how easy it was, it really shouldn't…" Harry called over his shoulder without looking back. He grinned. Being on sugar was so much fun.

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**A/N: Tell us what you thought! It was literally just a bit of fun, written in one evening. Any and all comments are welcome, just don't be rude about it please. Thanks to my beta Brookie-Cookie-Book-Worm, she hasn't uploaded anything yet, but if she knows what's good for her, she will soon. Love you all! xxxxx**


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